Lately, I received a lot of forwarded instant messages (IMs) from my Yahoo and MSN Messenger accounts.

Every night, when I switch on my computer, I’d be rather unintelligent to not expect a whole bunch of IM offline messages waiting for me. While a small amount of these are actually friends looking for me, but the rest are generally – forwarded messages!

Typically, there’s nothing wrong with forwarded messages except that they come with various degrees of usefulness, or in a more direct term, stupidity.

Let’s analyse :

Here are a few messages that I collected so far. Excuse the grammar, all quotations are original cut-and-pasted sections.

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USEFULNESS – DEGREE 3: Stuff that actually contribute to your knowledge, however small it may be.

Example 1: (News)

“it is believe that yesterday, a girl was raped or ALMOST RAPED by a school guard which is only 17 years old.. Not sure whether the victim did get raped by the guard but one thing to be sure of is that she get bruises all over her face.. The guard even used a hard object to knock her head and punches her too.. and worst thing, he even try to strangle her with her clothes.. Aft he kidnapped her, the guard take off her shirt and pants and started to molest her.. Now, her head needs 7 stiches and SHE IS PHOBIA at attending classes at TARC again~ SO be aware students in TARC.. Danger is everywhere.. P/S: the guard is wearing brown uniform.. not those in blue uniform but anyhow, they’re all dangerous too.. DONT WALK ALONE esp girls.. ::: POST THIS TO REM…” [Message truncated, you get the point]

The news is unverified. I have no idea how true the story is, but anyhow it serves as a reminder for us to be careful, and stuff ….

Example 2: (Request for help)

“help me fwd the msg, a fren’s fren now at ICU KL sjmc hospital, she need any blooD of negative or B-, tis is the contact no. 01x-977xxxx” [Contact number altered]

Again unverified; but at least, it has been proven before that some (at least one) of these messages are actually genuine.

Example 3: (Advertisements)

“Hi all! Tourism club is organising a trip to Redang Island … 20 seats left …” [Truncated ... you get the point]

Even ads are qualified as usefulness degree 3, now you can imagine what’s coming up!

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USEFULNESS – DEGREE 2: Stuff that does not give you any knowledge, and concerns you very little.

Example 1: (“Forward to everyone” messages)

“Why is it so hard to tell the truth…yet so easy to tell a lie, why do we sleep in a holy place but when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?, why is it so hard to talk about God…but so easy to talk about sex?, why are we so bored to look at a holy magazine…but so easy to read a playboy magazine?, why is it so easy to delete a Godly offline messages …yet we forward the nasty ones? Why are holey places getting smaller…but yet bars and clubs are growing??…..think about it….are you going to forward this or delete it? Just remember God is watching you if u love GOD then send this to everyone on your list. Don’t break this heart! send 2 all.”

These messages exploit our conscience, in the hopes of us forwarding them out of guilt.

Example 2: (Err … Just because it’s kinda sweet?)

“Every girl dreams that one day she will find a boy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life. • give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in. • leave her cute text notes. • kiss her in front of your friends. • tell her she looks beautiful. • look into her eyes when you talk to her. • let her mess with your hair. • touch her hair. • just walk around with her. • forgive her for her mistakes. • look at her like she`s the only girl you see. • tickle her even when she says stop. • hold her hand when you`re around your friends. • when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. • let her fall asleep in your arms. • get her mad, then kiss her.”

You know, I didn’t receive the SAME message just once, but MANY times from different people!

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USEFULNESS – DEGREE 1: Absolutely stupid, ignorant stuff. I’m sorry if you forwarded them before, but they are!

Example 1: (Purported virus site)

“if you saw the website that stated “www.xxxxxxxx.com/……”….these are virus…so don click on them….” [URL changed]

Now they’ve discovered a virus site, and they’re warning you not to click it, so kind of them! THEN WHY THE HELL send the clickable link, and say “don’t click on it”!?

It’s like saying: “Here, take your piece of the cake, but there are worms inside, so don’t eat it.”

JUST THROW IT AWAY then, WHY GIVE TO ME??

Example 2: (Adding a “virus” to IM list)

“If someone by the name of Ashley Marc James wants to add you to their list dont accept it. Its a virus. Tell everyone on your list because if somebody on your list adds them you will get it too. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Please pass this on to everyone on your list. We need to find out who is using this account. Apologies for the inconvenience. Right click on the group name of your friends’ list and click: Send Message to all. Copy and paste then send…”

…

Hohoho …

LOL!

ROFL!

LMAO!

…

Err … right, poor as my academic stuff may be, I’d be so-ultra-horribly mistaken, if you could get your computer infected by simply adding a guy named Ashley Marc James into your IM name list.

What’s more? If your friend adds Mr. Ashley James into their list, you’ll get infected too!

WOW!

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