Today, I had my final public speaking speech for the trimester. ARGH! FINALLY!

In addition to my usual subjects, I’m taking Public Speaking as an extra subject for this trimester. This trimester has been a roller coaster ride of pure anxiety! Days leading up to the presentation days are days that you hope you could simply grab your stomach out from your throat and put in somewhere else until after the presentation day!

With my existing sleeping problems, topped with the anxiety of having a speech presentation the next day, I had to get sleeping pills from the doctor or else I would be awake all night!

Don’t tell me you’re not afraid of public speaking, everyone is! Or at least, was! I don’t think anyone could deliver a speech on the stage for the first time without having his shit scared out. No no no.

I still remember how it felt during the first, formal, individual speech in my Public Speaking class this trimester. It was supposed to be an informative speech.

I was the 10th person to give a speech, and I had to wait in total agony while the first 9 people gave their speeches. It was tormenting to sit there and see people who are older than you, and speak better than you, performing while you wait for your turn to, possibly ridicule yourself, in front of them and the lecturer, whose strict teaching style could only worsen your anxiety.

The reason I say the other students are older than me is that this subject is supposed to be taken in our final year, and I’m only in my first year. And most of them are already speaking very well before they attended the course! =(

Let me try to be as graphic as possible. The feeling that I had at then was like I swallowed a snake and it was wiggling wildly in my stomach trying to get out from my butt but couldn’t find the way. My toes had a mind of their own and were moving by themselves, and it felt like my hands could instantly freeze anything that I touched, just like the cartoon superhero characters.

When my turn finally came, I wobbled out to the stage and started speaking. At that time, my chilling powers left me and I started to feel hot! (The hall was air-conditioned and was actually freakin’ cold) I was sweating in my coat! I knew that my feet and hands were shaking slightly, even my voice was! I knew they were!

But when I finished the speech, my friends told me that no one noticed that my hands, or voice was shaking. In fact, the lecturer said it was pretty good! Apparently I am an excellent actor!

Instantly after the speech, the rat in my stomach was gone, I resumed command of my toes, and my hands were no longer freezing. The relieve was so dramatic that you thought all the anxiety just came out of you in a looooonngg fart… Ahhhhhhh… =)

That was, my first formal speech in public.

I think I improved a lot, the final speech experience that I had this morning, was 90% less scary. And it’s over, no more speeches for this subject, I’ve improved myself. Yay!

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